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I am not very domestic. I had always planned on being a working mom. Staying at home just never seemed to be something that I could see myself doing.
After being at home with the baby for a few months, I thought I was ready to go back to work. I was getting stir crazy and craved for a conversation that didn’t involve spit up or poop.
I love being a teacher. I missed my students, my co-workers, the feeling of accomplishment I get working and socializing with other women.
Then the day came when it was time to go back to work. My husband was staying home with him so that helped tremendously.
Once I got to work I couldn’t believe how much I missed him. I kept checking my phone all day, hoping to get updates or pictures.
When I finally got home, I scooped him up in my arms and didn’t want to set him down until bed.
Then came sleep, or the lack there of. On maternity leave, the fact that he wasn’t sleeping through the night wasn’t a big deal. I could usually get a nap in at some point during the day. Now that I was back at work that was impossible.
It didn’t take long until I was exhausted.
A few days after returning to work, I fell asleep around 6 pm sitting up, with all the lights on and my phone in my hand. I just literally was having trouble staying awake.
I quickly felt like I spent most days in a fog. I was forgetting things and words and having trouble staying on top of chores and regular work responsibilities. I felt like a failure at home and work. I cried a lot.
Over time, it got easier and I learned a few lessons along the way.
Ask Your Husband for Help
I feel so lucky to have such a hands-on husband. I still had to on occasion tell him I needed help or I a nap. He was always very willing and eager to help when I asked. I just had to learn that it was okay to ask.
One Sunday, we had company coming over but I couldn’t stay awake. I told him I needed a nap. He told me to go take one and he would explain it to our company. Just having his support and understanding was so beneficial.
Be Kind to Yourself
Although, I never saw myself as a stay at home mom, as soon as I went back to work I worried that by working I was putting my job and my students ahead of my son and my family. Mom guilt is real!
If I am fulfilled and following my dreams and passions, then I am teaching and inspiring him that he can do the same thing.
I soon decided to focus on the benefits my son would receive by having a working mom. By choosing to work, I am teaching my son that women and moms can be independent, educated, have careers and can work towards something that makes them happy. If I am fulfilled and following my dreams and passions, then I am teaching and inspiring him that he can do the same thing.
Take the time to take care of yourself. For me this means a bath most nights. It was so hard for me to understand how important this was. It felt selfish to me to take time for myself when I felt like I should be taking care of my baby, spending time with my husband, working or doing housework.
Stress can do a lot of damage to our bodies from making us irritable to contributing to many other health problems including heart disease. Working towards keeping yourself stress free makes you a happier, healthier and a more patient mom, wife and employee. Its the most selfless thing you can do for your family.
Be Present
When I’m at work, I work. I pay attention to my students, I grade papers and plan lessons. I try to mentally commit on focusing on working.
When I’m at home, I’m home. I’m playing with the baby, feeding him, reading to him or spending time with my husband. I try to do as little work at home as possible. If I do have to work, I do it when the baby is sleeping.
Changing Priorities
Before I got pregnant, I spent a lot of time thinking about my nails. I loved my fake nails. I looked up different styles and was always changing them for the seasons and holidays. Since the baby, I’ve gotten them done once. It was the one thing I did before I went back to work to pamper myself. After working for a few weeks, they no longer seemed as important. I would rather spend that time and money on him.
The same thing has happened with the housework. Sometimes the dishes just don’t get done. Sometimes the floor doesn't get mopped. That's okay.
One day when he’s an adult, someone will ask him what he remembers about his childhood.
One day when he’s an adult, someone will ask him what he remembers about his childhood. I don’t want him to say that my mom had the prettiest nails or the dishes were always done. I want him to say that his mom and dad always spent time with him and that his family spent a lot of time laughing. If it doesn't get me closer to that goal, then it is not a priority.
What are your thoughts and experiences?