My son was screaming this morning when I dropped him off at preschool. Some days, he is smiling and happy when I leave him. Other days are like this morning and he is not either smiling nor happy.
It breaks my heart to leave him on those days. It breaks my heart to tell him that he must stay because I must go take care of other people’s children.
I know he is safe and loved at his school. I know that he is learning a lot and gaining social skills. I know that I would miss teaching if I ever decided to leave.
Those facts don’t make those mornings any easier. I want to pick him, give him hugs and kisses and take him home. I want to not cry myself as I walk away from my son who is screaming for me. I want to not question if every decision I make as a mom is the right one for him and for me.
Mom guilt is real.
Teacher guilt is real.
Teacher Mom guilt is the worst kind of guilt there is.
Am I doing enough for my kids at home? Am I doing enough for my students? If I do more for my kids at home, does that mean my students will suffer? If I do more for my students, will my own kids suffer?
I completely underestimated the amount of guilt, anxiety and exhaustion I would feel as a teacher mom.
My days as a teacher mom these last two years have been the most exhausting, stressful, joyous, amazing and the most rewarding years of my life.
I am far from perfect but here are some ways I try to combat the teacher mom guilt.
Don’t Forget About Your Superhero Cape
It is easy to compare yourself and your kids to others. I have been guilty of this more times that I would like to admit. I look at my friends on Facebook or even worse peruse Pinterest.
Social media is not real. What people show on Pinterest or talk about on Facebook is usually the best moments and a moment in time. All those moms also have sleepless nights, cranky kids, failed lessons and a mountain papers that need to be graded.
Enjoy the moment. Play with your kids on the floor or in the backyard. Be silly with your students. Be in the moment.
Stop comparing yourself to others who have different circumstances, struggles and realities.
Most importantly remember that everyday you wear a superhero cape and even if you can’t see it, some very special kids see it every day!
Don’t Empty Your Cup
My son is a very picky eater. Some nights, I try to make good and healthy foods for him. Some nights he gets his favorites or whatever is easy that I know he will eat.
I have learned that if I’m stressed and tired, which is normal anyway, I am not the best mom I can be. If giving him an easy meal that he will eat without it being an argument, means I have more energy to play with him later then it is worth it.
Do what is best for you and your family. Don't stress, worry or try to control everything. You just simply can't.
Remember you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Say Yes to What Is Important
After my son was born, he had heartburn and I had to miss work a few times to go to the pediatrician with him.
I felt guilty. I felt guilty if I didn’t go because I’m his mom and I should be there with him. I felt guilty if I did go because my students had a substitute and I wasn’t there for them. I just felt guilty.
I would watch other teachers and feel guilty. Especially new teachers.
New, young teachers are hired every year. They tutor every day, they join several committees and they sign up for various professional developments that are offered on weekends and throughout the summer. I haven’t even mentioned their classrooms. They look like beautiful Pinterest classrooms with clean desks and every paper graded.
I used to be that teacher. I used to stay into the evening. I used to get to work early. I used to take work home and do it. I felt guilty that I couldn't anymore.
Eventually, another teacher mom told me something that has always stuck with me. She said “Your students will have lots of teachers. Your son will only ever have one mom.”
That is when I realized that it was okay to say no. It was okay to say this is what I can do well.
I give my students everything I can while I’m there. I still work through my lunch. I still bring work home on occasion. I still push them and love them. I have learned that an immaculate and cute classroom, doesn’t make me a better teacher. I have learned over the years what needs my attention and what can wait. I have learned that I don’t need to grade everything to know their strength and weaknesses. I have learned that they will learn more from me if they know I love them, respect them and care.
I also give my son everything I can while I'm with him. I give him my time, my attention and my love. We laugh. We play. I am present with him.
But I also say no. I say no to extra responsibilities. I say no to staying late every night. I say no to out of state conferences.
I say yes to providing my students the best teacher I can be and yes to time and energy to my own kid at home. I say yes to what is important to me.