As parents, our ultimate goal is to raise independent adults that can be successful in the world without us.
That task starts when they are toddler. It is important that we continue to watch them flourish and push them to do things even they didn’t know they could do.
I realized this when my son was 14 months old. I always told him that he might be daddy’s big boy but he was mommy’s baby.
Then one day, he took a couple of steps from daddy’s arms into mommy’s arms. I was so proud.
What surprised me in the moment though was his reaction. He was laughing hysterically. He was so happy with what he had just done.
I knew in the moment, he couldn’t be my baby forever. I needed to let him explore, experience new things, gain skills and maybe most importantly fall.
Everyday, I am astounded by what he can do. He is incredible.
It is my job to continue to push him and foster his curiosity and independence.
Independence isn’t something that children can gain on their own. They need us to teach them to be independent. They need us to guide them and give them opportunities to gain experiences and to sometimes fall and to then pick themselves back up.
Independent toddlers believe that they are competent, able to take care of themselves and solve their own problems.
Here are 15 ways you can teach your child to be independent.
Love and Respect – Give your child love and respect.
Show Confidence – Show confidence in your child’s capabilities.
Control – Teach them that they have control over their lives.
Provide Guidance – Provide guidance and then let them make their own decisions.
Out of Sight Games – Play peek-a-boo or chase each other around the furniture. This will allow your child to imagine that you exist even when you are out of sight.
Separate Gradually – Allow your toddler to separate from you as opposed to you separating from your toddler. Try to achieve the balance of maintaining connection and encouraging self-reliance.
Keep Posted - Letting your toddler know when you are planning to leave lets them know what is going on in their world. This will teach them that they can trust their parents to tell them when things are changing for them, which will help them feel safe.
Facilitate – Toddlers need to maintain connection while increasing distance. Our job is to facilitate the balance between attachment and exploration and safety and novelty.
Voice Contact – If your toddler is in another room and starts getting fussy, you don’t have to drop everything you are doing immediately, unless you suspect your child is in danger or hurt, you can say “Mama’s coming!” This will let them know that you are near and can hear them and even though they can’t see you right then, they are still safe.
Shift Gears – Your toddler may go through stages where he isn’t coping with separation well. Be prepared to do things they don’t involve leaving while still taking care of yourself.
Provide Help from a Distance – Exploring toddlers get stuck. My son often gets stuck with his toys in the small hallway downstairs. Now, that he is getting older, I will give him encouragement when he first gets stuck and often he’s able to negotiate it on his own. Encouraging toddler to solve their own problems, helps them develop a sense of self-reliance.
Separation Stress – There are times when toddlers are clingier than others. When my son doesn’t feel good or is teething, he often just needs to sit with me and let mom rock him. Usually when he is feeling better he is off on his own again.
Just Being Time – Take time to let your toddler just be with you. Sometimes they need to just cuddle, or sit on your lap. They may need this time to feel assured enough to explore on their own.
Encourage Relationships - Allowing other adults to care for your child will teach them that they can depend on other adults, not just their parents.
Alone Play – Part of being independent is to be able to play alone. They will know how to manage themselves and won’t need to be entertained as often.
